Hm. Well, it’s been quite a four month stretch. The group I was working with turned out to be something of a disappointment. They called themselves Druids — adamantly, in fact, denying any sort of Wiccan connection — but the truth was, they were more Wiccan than Druid. The straw for me was when I was presented with a “copywritten” book of their magickal studies and it was full of uncredited Wiccan material. It was so dishonest that I couldn’t do it anymore. I think there’s something to the idea that you mix your karma with the people you work with spiritually and I don’t want to take that on. I’ve initiated contact with CTOD again; hopefully this time something will come of it.
I’ve been moving further and further away from the Wiccan system in the past few months. It’s not a negative move, really, just a move in another direction. I’ve been studying with my Celtic list (Celtic Hearts [no longer in existence, alas ~ FW]) and feeling more and more at home. Still, there’s something missing. It’s something that would be missing, I think, no matter what tradition I was working with. I’m missing a solid relationship with the Divine. Now I know that many Christians would hasten to assure me that this is because I’m in the wrong religion. Whatever. I’m not even going to answer to that (so don’t write! *g*), because the fact is, I didn’t find this connection when I searched there before.
I think that I’m not willing to let go and let anything in. I’m not sure, exactly, what the answer is to this. As Pagans, we often spend a great deal of time talking about rituals and spells, but not many of us spend a lot of time talking about what exactly it is we’re connecting with and how we make that connection. I think the answer lies in meditation. I’ve not spent enough time working on this skill and I’m currently investigating classes. I have a feeling deep inside that this is the missing link. It’ll be interesting to see what comes of it.
In the meantime, I’d like to challenge any Pagans reading this. Send me your experiences connecting with the Divine. Let me know how you do it and what it’s like. I’m not looking for trite two-liner emails here… Give me something to chew on! If you’d like to have it published in the Guest Essay section of The Fire Spiral , please let me know in your email.