The Devil’s Due

Today I did pilates and part of a Firm video — man, it seems like they used to do better cueing. Either that, or I’m just horribly out of shape. Or both. At any rate, actually working out at home was improvement.

I had my tarot reading regarding the move today. River gave me lots to think about. Several people have mentioned things in the comments section about following my heart or my passion or doing the right thing for our family… I guess part of the problem is, I can do that here or there. Those things are not either/or things.

The Devil came up in the reading as the sky card — not a card I’ve ever used in a reading. In this one, the Devil was sort of overlooking the whole reading. River brought up contracts, as did star in my comments a few posts back. River suggested that maybe it was about renegotiating the contracts we made for Jasmine’s health. That’s similar to learning to see the world with different glasses, I think.

Anyway, I am hopelessly lost with the question of what to do. To think with my heart and not my head means, at this moment, I get no answer. From one minute to the next a new thought occurs that seems to bring clarity, but then another comes, and another, and it’s pretty much six of one, half dozen of the other.

At any rate, I think I’m going to stop posting here about it for awhile. I have people I need to talk to in person and I really feel like I’m spinning my wheels anyway. Maybe I’m looking too hard or overthinking. Maybe I’m worried about the wrong things. Whatever it is, I have no perspective right now, no inkling of what is right for anyone, so I’ll let it lie (or is that lay? I never did get those two right…) for now.

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