I swear to the Gods that in the last three minutes of this month’s video, Thorn was looking at and speaking directly to me. Okay, I know she wasn’t really, but it was a true zing moment. I had just been comparing my experience of watching the video and not having the same kind of connection – that feeling of being seen – that I have when I’m in person. Even the online class with ADF has a portion of that. And so I was thinking about not feeling that way when this moment occurred, the zing, and it literally brought tears to my eyes. I felt exposed, but not in a bad way. More like in the way when someone who knows you well points out something that you have been trying very hard to ignore. Our practice prompt for this month is related to how we compartmentalize ourselves, closet away uncomfortable pieces of who we are and scatter ourselves into pieces too small to bear fruit. I find that I want to pick something easy to focus on – NOT the thing that came up when I felt “zinged.” That thing feels like it probably needs good therapy, and I am not in a place yet where I have that. I’m working towards it.
So the practice is to pick one way that we scatter our energy/selves and pay attention to it over the course of the month. Thorn relates a story about impatience that reminded me a lot of a spoken word piece Henry Rollins does called “Decoration” – it’s on the Human Butt CD, except that instead of a stranger giving perspective, she got it herself over the years. For a time, she noticed impatience, wanted to change it. Then she recognized how it informs her Work. She integrated the thing that was scattering her back into her Self. I’m trying to think of something like that for myself, something about the way I interact or operate in the world that makes me uncomfortable that I can pay attention to over the next month. I’m going to sleep on it. If anyone has any suggestions, please leave them in the comments!