Sitting

I spent about 15 minutes searching for a meditation widget so I wouldn’t be interrupted by peeking at the clock. It alleviates a bit of anxiety for me to have it, and it’s a simple enough thing. Once I had it, I sat up straight, closed my eyes and listened. And my mind was… everywhere. It seems as though I’ve never been this bad, but that could easily be my state of mind. Or it could be reality. Either way, it is what it is and it is where I’m at.

I’m going to Powell’s today to pick up a few books. I know I have at least one of them already, but it’s sitting in a box in Parker, and I really want it now. I’m also searching out an outdoor track. My trainer at the Rec Center told me there’s one on campus, but I don’t know where it is. It will have to do until the Rec Center re-opens, which may be on Tuesday.

Sitting practice was easy, because it didn’t require me to leave my apartment. Getting to Powell’s and finding the track are harder, and I’m experiencing a lot more internal resistance to that. No one is awake yet, and I know when I mention what I want to do, they’ll be on board, which will help push me. Having said that, I kinda find I want the time alone. I’m all “peopled/needed” out after this holiday, and unfortunately, that includes my family. I feel guilty about that, but I’m trying to be real.

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