Update from Feb. 14th

Thanks to Stew for holding me accountable this week. I was gonna get a brief note out Sunday, then it became Monday and now it’s Tuesday and not at all my favorite day of the year. :-/ I’ll distract myself with a post to you fine folk.
So the first thing I wanted to say is that I think I’m going to switch to bi-monthly updates. The weekly updates are starting to feel sort of redundant: still working it out in therapy, still not drinking, still trying to figure out how to find/fit in being active. There are small details that change, but overall, that’s it, and I think I could include those small details in twice-a-month emails, like on the 15th and 30th or something. See, when you look at it that way, I’m a day early!

This week’s therapy session was powerful – Jami used a Gestalt tool that I’d read about but never had in therapy – the empty chair. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, Wikipedia can help! (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empty-chair_technique#The_empty_chair_technique) It was really powerful and I was surprised by how quickly I got out of my “oooo, cool therapy technique that I’ve read about” geekitude into the emotional and physical sensations of facing the chair, which was intense. We used it to work with the voice that’s been sabotaging things – I’ve named it Janus, which turned out to be an interesting choice. I came up with the name when Jami asked if the voice looked or sounded like anyone. I was thinking, actually, of an episode of Buffy that featured a particularly striking image of Janus, the two-faced god of Greek mythology. If you don’t know who Janus is, once again, Wikipedia can help! (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Janus)

So I did all this work with Janus, which turned out to be a lot of messaging from my grandmother, then came home to remind myself of exactly who Janus was. Our good friends at Wikipedia say Janus is “the god of beginnings and transitions.” Interesting, because of course, I was working with Janus as the voice of what I “should” do and feel (as dictated by my grandmother on behalf of post-war era social expectations) and it turns out this was important work. One might say the work of transitions and new beginnings. Ah ye Gods. You are ever speaking. (According to my abnormal psych class, this means I may have schizotypal personality disorder. ::shrugs:: Whatevs.)

 

After therapy, I had lunch with Rene, an old friend from high school who now lives in Seattle. We had a great time, I shared with her a bit of what’s going down and she was supportive. Rene, by the way, was one of the witnesses on my marriage certificate, so it was nice to feel supported by someone who’s known me for that long. We chatted for about two hours and she invited me on a wine-tasting trip in March, which I of course declined. Maybe next year. I went home and promptly developed a migraine, which benched me for most of the weekend. I haven’t had many since I moved here, so that one kind of caught me off guard. Anyhoo, the lunch was great and reminded me that my friends will love and support me if I let them.
I think that’s the news for now. I did do well with meditation this week also – I’m finding that this + kava stress relief tea are as effective as Xanax for anxiety. Has to be both, though. Maybe it’s a Jedi mind trick, but once again, whatevs. It works. I watched Forks Over Knives last night and it got me to re-thinking how nutrition can impact the whole body system, physical, mental and emotional health. I’ll be revamping my eating habits somewhat, methinks, though I’m not sure about a full return to vegetarianism (actually, veganism, though the film is oddly reticent about using the term “vegan”).

Love to all – I’ll post again at the end of the month.

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