I did two things this morning that I shouldn’t have: I checked my weight and I checked my official race time. Both numbers disappointed, which made me realize I still have emotional “stuff” invested in numbers as a measure of worth, rather than just information. The work is ongoing.
I’m thinking ahead to this weekend, to my last long wog on Saturday, or at least, my last one before the race the following weekend. I’m supposed to go for 10 miles, but I think I’m going to push for closer to 12. I want to see if I can, really. I did 10 miles three weeks ago and it wasn’t too bad. We all know about the 11 miles that almost killed me because I underestimated the heat. Yesterday’s heat was grueling too, so I need to figure this thing out.
When I go out this weekend, I know where the stops can be to fill my water bottle or use the restroom. I’ll be on trails for most of it, and in the shade. That doesn’t really help me know exactly how I’ll do in the naked sun on Naito Pkwy on the 19th, but it gives a forgiving cushion if I get it wrong. I’ll have electrolyte tablets with me to put in my water refills. I’ll have my electrolyte/energy chews. I’ll sleep well the night before and take all the danged allergy/asthma meds I need to take. And I’ll pace myself carefully, only doing jog intervals after I hit the 6 mile mark. Input definitely welcome here – as soon as the temps get above 75, I seem to be in trouble for the long haul.
I thought that yesterday’s race would make me feel more confident about the half, but instead it worried me. I was pretty tired at the end and that’s only half of what I need to be able to do. I’m not sure what I did differently, except adding in the jog intervals after the 3 mile mark. I’m afraid that if I don’t do that, I won’t stay within the required 4 hours for the RnR Half. I have some self-talk that needs doing over the next two weeks, and it needs to gain the upper hand over that fear.
And the final thing I want to record is my longing for trail hikes rather than racing. I’m committed financially to half marathons and one 5K through August. I haven’t actually registered for the Champoeg Half, and I might not. I might make a stronger shift towards trailrunning/hiking in the fall. This morning a colleague and I came up with a rather intriguing idea for a writing/art project and it has really captured my attention. I need to figure out how to journal better, find ways to capture the thoughts I have while I’m actually out on my treks. Thoughts on that are welcome too! I find that I forget so much of what I’d like to share by the time I get home… and that my attention is very divided between this endeavor, work, grad school and having a family. I so want to be able to do everything at once. Where did my ability to make it all happen at once go?? Or was it ever really there in the first place? Don’t know. But I’ll figure it all out eventually. ‘Cause that’s what I do.