illusive sleep

I read somewhere that our natural sleep cycle includes night waking and afternoon naps. Mine certainly does. If the rest of the world could get on board with that, I might have a chance at sleep sanity. But alas, it does not appear to be so.

I realized this year that a lot of the drinking I did over the past 10 years had more to do with trying to medicate my lack of sleep than anything else. Yes, I know, I’ve learned very well in fact, that drinking is terrible for your sleep cycle. But that didn’t stop my lizard brain from trying to knock itself out every night. Now that I’m not drinking most of the time, my body is edging back into that night waking cycle – but minus the ability to nap well! Och! What’s a girl trying to live in the 9 – 5 world to do?

(NOTE: I’m not looking for sleep advice, just kvetching.)

Seriously though, my sleep has been problematic for as long as I can remember. I’ve been sort of obsessed with it, with getting to sleep, staying asleep, dreaming lucid dreams, dream interpretation, story ideas… a lot happens for me when I batten down the hatches in the Monica Cave every night. PTSD is definitely a factor – whether I like it or not, I’ve been wired to be vigilant – especially when I’m trying to sleep. The meds I take to help with that also bring vivid-ass dreams. But they’re not working lately, at least not for the “stay asleep” portion of their duty roster. Given that weight and sanity are related to sleep, I guess it’s no wonder I’m in the shape I’m in. Heh.

So here I am… 3:30 AM with lame 90’s songs running through my mind, writing in hopes of wearing out my brain so I can catch a few more zzzz’s before I have to be up at 9. All The Things are coming off holiday tomorrow (today), so things should be revving up with the consulting business and the rest of what I’m doing to stay afloat. Sleep would be nice, but I guess at the end of the day I’m getting enough to function, and that’s more than some can say.

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