gimme a break

We could really use a break from the Universe and a sense that everything really will be ok.

I nearly took a job that pays barely minimum wage because we are in such dire straits, but I think there may be a light on the horizon. I hope so. Utils are starting to be shut down while we wait for the freaking PERS people to get my retirement out to me. Apparently they’re going to use every minute of the 6 weeks they said it would take PLUS not respond to any of my queries about where I am in the process. Tax return could come in any day, but it is probably only enough to catch us up on rent.

I am “hearing” during my prayer and meditation times that I’m doing the right thing, that I’m on the right track, but the outside world is not reflective of this. At all.

So we are getting by on our prior rental history with our landlord and her eternal kindness. I am posting this using my phone as a hotspot because we are currently without cable or internet. Oy.

Mom has offered to help and HAS helped in so many ways, but I won’t let her go down because we are, or more specifically, because felt the need to follow my dreams. She’s kept us in food and good spirits, picking up A LOT of slack in my quest to take this next leg of my journey.

Of course, I’m also trying to take care of my mental and physical health,  so there is that as well.

At this point, I’ve been out of one of my meds for over a month, and the other for a week. Fortunately, the main one I’m still good with. We just had confirmation that I’m now covered by Jeff’s insurance, but the deductible is outrageous and apparently prescription costs are full price or close to it and count towards the deductible?! So fucked.

The state of the country and the world is NOT helping with any of this. I can’t watch the news or read my FB feed without something triggering me. I am under emotional siege – we all are – from this new regime.

And I’m having a hard time between the weather and my mental health getting out to walk like I should be. I have all the time in the world to be working on my physical health and I’m not because. Well, because see the above paragraph.

I haven’t said much because a) I feel like a fool and b) I’m tired of hearing myself kvetch about it. But I need to talk because the alternative is staying in my room and staring at the wall while listening to podcasts and audiobooks, and that’s no way to live.

One thought on “gimme a break

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