Zero to Overwhelm

This weekend I went from zero to overwhelm in five seconds. It started on Friday, when we watched a livestream of an Authority Zero concert on YouTube. I started crying towards the end, I couldn’t even name why, and even typing about it is making me tear up again.

I reached out to people I haven’t spoken to in awhile, got at least one friend converted to Marco Polo so we can video chat. I wept a little with these conversations. I read my Twitter feed and wept some more.

You might think it was sad stories, but it wasn’t. I  mean, some of them were, but most of the time it was just people getting by, people being kind. Sometimes it was helpless rage at the mess our country is in, the stupidity of so many Trump supporters.

I attended the Spring Mysteries Festival for awhile, but had a truthy moment with Hekate and needed to check out.

I’m way off my planning system. I think I crammed too much into too weeks and I burnt out. I’m going to try again, but I need to be more reasonable with myself.

Today I’m on hyperoverwhelm. I spent some time out in my front yard with my partner, a mug of coffee, and my dog, and that’s helpful, but I’m still on the edge of weepiness every second. And I’m having one of the worst allergy weekends I’ve had, like ever.

I should mention that I have chronic depression and I’m having to do this whole stupid thing without medication or therapy, thanks to the fact that insurance is tied to employment in this country and I am currently woefully underinsured. My partner is as well, and we’re pretty sure he’s cooking an undiagnosed autoimmune disease at this time. I am terrified for him. He’s in a lot of discomfort.

If I owe you a communication, please bear with me. I’ll get through this, maybe even as soon as tomorrow. I am ok, I am supported. I am a wreck, but I have a great mechanic. I haven’t left the house in a week and before that it had probably been at least a week. I think I’m coming up on a month in isolation. I feel guilty for struggling when so many other people are doing such hard work at this time.

You can, if you like, follow me on Instagram (@thefirespiral), where I’m trying to get at least one post out a day. I spend a fair time on Twitter (@thefierysky1) too, but mostly to take in the news.

This is really hard, y’all.

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