This year is no different than any year since 2004 when it comes to this - I am up again in the wee hours of V-Day, thinking about you, Jasmine, and how you'd be navigating this world with nearly 24 years under your belt. Grief ninjas come and go, but there's always the steady ache … Continue reading 13 years
Death & Grief
forgiving our fathers
forgiving our fathers by dick lourie maybe in a dream: he's in your power you twist his arm but you're not sure it was he that stole your money you feel calmer and you decide to let him go free or he's the one (as in a dream of mine) I must pull from the … Continue reading forgiving our fathers
Death and dying
This morning my therapist mentioned to me that she had a really hard time this past week when, on top of everything else, Leonard Cohen died. I could see that her experience with this was akin to my experience when David Bowie and Robin Williams died. That is to say, it affected her deeply despite … Continue reading Death and dying
Well, Sunday – Won’t Take Much to Beat Saturday
Not a great weekend to this point - my grandma died today. I had a very mixed relationship with her, so my feelings are also mixed. Mostly, though, I'm glad it was peaceful and not prolonged. Still processing. Will likely write more later.
losing jasmine – 10 years later
Today is the 10th anniversary of Jasmine's death. I am not in the place to go into details for anyone who doesn't know them, not today, and not after the last 24 hours. It's a joyous kind of place, though, just too emotional for work. If you'd like to hear her story sometime, let me … Continue reading losing jasmine – 10 years later
dark days
My dad told me that when he was young, he'd gotten in trouble for DUI and had to attend alcohol abuse counseling. The counselor he worked with was in recovery himself, and laid down some of the fundamentals of alcoholism, including how the people around you enable alcoholism. When he came home to talk about … Continue reading dark days
anniversaries of birth
20 years ago today I was finally being admitted to Enloe Hospital after being in labor for 3 days. Those three sleepless days included a crazy walking tour of downtown Chico, being sent home from the hospital after my water broke and many hours of video game playing by the males involved. Finally, though, I … Continue reading anniversaries of birth
Anniversaries Are Neutral
After doing a triumphant morning run on Monday, I was caught unaware yesterday by the two year anniversary of my dad's sudden death. It's not that I didn't realize April 9th was coming. It was more that I was busy enough that I kept it out of my mind. My body remembered though. When I … Continue reading Anniversaries Are Neutral
Week Three Recap
Well, my first exciting news is that my mom appears to be following my brother’s lead. She called me this week to let me know the latest on how my dad is haunting her (this week’s episode includes text messages sent from their old, unused cell phone to Waylon and sensing him getting out of … Continue reading Week Three Recap
End of Week One
Since I couldn't remember whether I'd made the decision to stop drinking last Wednesday or last Thursday, I went with Thursday. That marks today as the first week of sobriety in a very long time that I won't be ending with a bottle of wine. There have been challenges, and I suspect they are the … Continue reading End of Week One
