About

pluviophile | melomaniac | thalassophile | nemophile: living life on the NW Oregon coast

I am a feminist, bleeding heart liberal, Pagan, bisexual, academic, introverted deep thinker. I am outspoken, though I try to temper that with kindness. Sometimes I miss the mark.

Many of my friends share some (or all) of these labels with me. Some share not a one. I value them all. I appreciate the way that those who are different keep me honest with their goodness and integrity.

I prefer dialogue over debate.

I’m not interested in being right, nor do I believe you have to think I’m right. I’m both open to your perspective and secure enough in my own to realize I can either stand firm or change my mind and it doesn’t affect my worth or yours. If I get hooked into debate, I’m probably going to try to extricate myself at some point because I don’t think debate is useful in social media; it is polarizing.

We probably have more in common than we think.

Reasonable discussion is often fruitful in this regard, as we find the common ground – i.e. we may not agree on abortion, but we can probably agree that addressing unwanted pregnancy can help us both reach our goals.

I can agree to disagree.

I can even see the line of reasoning and evidence or experience that lead you to your conclusion, and still disagree. And still think you’re the bee’s knees and appreciate who you are and what you do.

I really appreciate people who think differently than I do, especially when I know that difference is well-thought out.

I prefer to be balanced in my perspective and find that change – or at the least understanding – comes from the places where we start out in conflict.

You are welcome, and your point of view is welcome. I extend respect to you, and to our differences, and will continue to do so unless you cease to do the same (extend respect to me and our differences).

This list only changes if you are hateful, disrespectful or willfully ignorant.

If I state a boundary (i.e., for XX reason, I will not talk about XX with you) and you cross it, I will not allow the behavior to continue. If you continue to insist on behaving like a racist, a sexist, an ageist, or basically, any kind of ‘ist, there will be a point when I filter you out of my internal feed (and on social media, likely that feed as well). If you feel the need to talk to me like I’m an idiot – look up mansplaining to see the kind of thing that really drives me nuts – I’m going to tune you out.

Since I can only control my own behavior, this means we probably will cease to communicate with each other. Even then, it’s not an indictment of your worth. I just won’t allow that kind of energy into my life if I have a choice.

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