Looking back at the last year, I’d like to address some of the things I said in my first entry. My views of divinity have matured a bit, with the Wiccan philosophy of the All and I’ve done so much! I’ve read many, many books and had lots of interaction with other pagans. While in Flagstaff I ran a small discussion group that went pretty well (even if I only ended up with one faithful attendant) and since we’ve been down in the Valley, I’ve had other experiences. I posted a version of my discussion group outline on my website and am currently involved in lively email discussion with two dear new Sisters. I’m studying with a Wiccan high priestess who has 14 years of Craft experience and I’m doing the program with the Celtic Traditionalist Order of Druids. I can almost feel myself growing in fits and spurts.
I’ve taken some time off school to clear my mind and focus on my children and my spiritual growth. I feel really good about this as it has allowed me the time to really concentrate on my studies. Hopefully my website is reflecting this. Most of the things I expected to come from dedicating myself to the Lord and the Lady have come…and more. I expected to receive comfort in a system that supports my love of Nature and my gender’s creativity and fertility, and I have. I don’t recall a time when I’ve ever felt more in tune with the life around me, with the changing of the seasons and the phases of the moon. I expected to learn to channel the energies and intuition that reside within myself into positive changes for myself and my loved ones, and I have. Of course, there’s plenty of room for improvement and this may be the one area I feel I most need to work with, but hey, I have a lifetime. Finally, I expected to find comfort in a religion that reflects so completely what I’ve felt all along and I have, especially when I’ve met so many wonderful people who feel the same way I do. What’s more, I’ve received an appreciation for historical, psychological and philosophical scholarship that I didn’t have before. I’ve grown in ways that I can only begin to describe. And I’ve made some major changes in my life that I never expected to make, such as becoming a vegetarian, that are directly related to my conviction in my spiritual beliefs.
My fears of detection have lessened for the most part. Since I decided that I’m not cut out to be a teacher, I worry far less about being discovered. In fact, if anything, I’ve “come out of the broom closet” even more. The only people in my life I haven’t revealed myself to are my in-laws, and well, they don’t really need to know. ::grin:: Seriously, Jeff and I are working on a way to explain it to them without raising their Catholic hackles too high. We’ll think of something, I assure you.