Jasmine and Gabrielle’s room is a mess, too full of stuff and furniture that sadly needs to be upgraded. We had started this process before Jasmine died and the girls had been looking forward to new beds, dressers and desks. Now finishing the process is all weird because we don’t want Gabrielle to feel like we’re trying to strip Jasmine out of her life. Still, the issue of the crowded and perpetually messy room, which Gabrielle is currently avoiding like the plague.

So yesterday Jeff and I discussed going ahead with buying the new furniture so we could get rid of the old stuff. We spoke with Gabrielle about it and she was happy with the idea, as long as we create an altar for Jasmine in her room. I’m all for that anyway, but right now there isn’t any room for an altar, which creates a circle as you can probably see. So today we went to the furniture store and found a beautiful set that was 75% off if we bought the floor model. It’s nice furniture and that price couldn’t be beat, so we bought it. It’s going to be delivered tomorrow or Friday.

Now The Book says we will do things in these post-death weeks that we will regret later. Will this be one of them? It also warns against creating a shrine to the deceased in the form of never changing their room, so maybe it’s good? I don’t know, I don’t know! It’s so crazy, parenting is hard enough with trying to make the right freaking choices without throwing the death of a sibling into the mix!

Last night Gabrielle had another grief blitzkrieg. I call it that because it seems to come out of nowhere and it is so damned devastating. Of course, on reflection, I’m not sure it came from nowhere — maybe our talk about the bedroom furniture started it. I’m aware that the smallest thing can shift memory bricks in her foundation and cause this rumbling. So I helped her with a guided meditation where I helped her find the part of Jasmine who still lives inside her. When I was done, I asked if she had any kind of encounter with Jasmine and she said yes. I didn’t press for information, though I was dying to know. How sick is it that I so want some kind of contact with Jasmine that I’m willing to live vicariously through her sister’s metaphysical experience?

Gabrielle hates the After world just as much as I do.