Tonight we celebrated Lughnasahd — likely the last time I will participate in a PFC ritual as a full coven member. It was bittersweet. The intention of the ritual was to celebrate Lugh and our gifts to community. Unexpectedly, I felt a very sweet sense of closure on the work I’ve done here in Central Illinois. I’m not sure where it came from and I’m still processing it.
When I walked into MarshAster’s house — the last one there — I noticed how strong the group is. I can feel the community that is there, strong and healthy. S and Cedar have done a lot together, including classes and going to the Grove, and I believe MarshAster has gone to the Grove with one or both of them as well… lots of relationship building happening. It is beautiful to watch. This thing that I have helped to create is the culmination of a dream I dreamt when I first got serious about the Craft, a dream of a coven that is truly a chosen family. I am both humble and proud. I have been shaped and changed just as I have shaped and changed. I leave this town and coven a very different person from the one who arrived in January 2001.
A piece of the ritual involved us all weaving ribbon together in a circle. The weaving ended up looking a lot like a red rose — it was beautiful. There was some talk of what to do with it when we were done — we had chanted over it, and wove it with laughter. Lots of good energy in those ribbons. I suggested they keep it and weave more every year. What a great tradition to start, and it really was the synthesis of the whole community. When we started, we were all taking turns weaving, then, towards the end (it took a bit longer than we expected), I stepped out of the weaving. It felt right, symbolic. I’m still part of the coven, yes, an associate. And I’m still working on building a tradition by growing the community out in Arizona, but my weaving in this coven is coming to a close. This coven has a beautiful, vital raith that will continue to strengthen and grow. I will miss seeing it happen.
There was a moment at the end when Cedar acknowledged that I will be leaving. I wanted to say something, but I wanted more time to think about it. We will have a going away gathering later this week. That will be the time for good-byes in the coven (though I do plan to see who I can lasso into a packing/loading party on Friday).