Tonight I’m having an oddly unsettled feeling – it’s been with me off and on for the past month or so. I don’t know the source of it. The feeling is like I forgot something important, or avoided it, and I’m anxious about confrontation. Like I’m going to be found out, exposed. It’s kind of like impostor syndrome, except not exactly. It’s pretty intense and I’d like to go to bed and forget about it, but it keeps coming back anyway, and I have to wait for visiting friends to return from an evening out.
Week after next my work schedule settles down a bit. I’ll be able to work in exercise then, and perhaps begin a search for a therapist. I kind of regret that I didn’t get my summer here alone. I would have had more time to pull together, more time to go within and only have my own stress to deal with.
In other news, I am excited about the onset of fall! The leaves started changing color, I swear, on the equinox. I haven’t been able to properly welcome the season, though I did spend a great deal of time walking around Portland this weekend. Today I ended up at Portland Art Museum, which fills me with love and inspiration. I’m hoping to perhaps drop in again in the next few weeks – there’s a painting there that I’d like to get a print of.
Classes start tomorrow and that means that not only will I again be in the realm of academics (as I gaze sadly at my fiction to-read stack), but I will be in the realm of supporting OTHER students in the realm of academics, some new, some returning. Gonna be a crazy week. I’m looking forward to making progress on my degree, however… such a nerd.