So I Was All, Like, “Give Me A Sign, Gods!” And Then They Did.

Last fall I applied for a job at the PSU Office of Admissions, where I currently work as a graduate assistant. It wasn’t the GA position, it was a full-time staff position. They flew me up to Portland, I fell in love, cemented my plans to move here regardless of whether I got the job. And I didn’t. But when the director finally called me to tell me that (and she did take her time), she mentioned this GA position. I applied for it at the same time as I applied for other GA positions and was hired… and had a phone call for another one one my first day of work that I sometimes regret not following through. I like most of the people I work with, but I have not friended deeply. The department just isn’t conducive to it. So I’m not sure why I applied for the full-time position when it opened this fall, except that they had removed the travel component and I had said many “thank the gods I didn’t get that job” after watching the travel involved with the full-time positions. And the increase in income and benefits were very enticing, especially with Jeff’s heart valve going untreated.

But I was still ambivalent. I wasn’t sure what I’d do if I was offered the position. I don’t really want to spend a lot of time in the Office of Admissions. I like developing longer-term relationships with the students. But there IS a lot of work to be done, and I know I could be helpful. Still, I was really on the fence. I wished for a sign to help me figure it out. I lamented the misplacement of my tarot cards. Until Wednesday afternoon, when the gods whacked me over the head.

The position description was changed last week and now includes travel. I learned of this late Wednesday afternoon. And my first interview had been scheduled for this coming Wednesday afternoon.

So, I’m withdrawing my application. And I feel oddly freed to pursue other opportunities at PSU, including other GA opportunities. I’m looking in earnest now, and if something else shows up (pleaseletitbeadvisingpleaseletitbeadvisingpleaseletitbeadvising), then I’m going for it. It’s been a great foot in the door, but I’m not in love with the work and I don’t have anyone as great as Doreen to keep me happy pushing paper, so I’m on the active lookout to move on.

Jeff is applying for a campus security position. However things work out, if he got that, it would fix his residency issue AND provide a much needed influx of cash and insurance. And then perhaps we could begin to work things out. In my educational org classes, of all places, I was inspired to try to find a way to work things out with him in a mutually beneficial way. I feel ready to start, but want the right counselor to help us through it. I don’t have a particular vision of anything other than remaining connected to him, and not just through shared parenting. Perhaps as great friends. But we’ll need help to get there and negotiate. So yeah, there’s that.

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