Last night, an ocean of tears. I'm not sure exactly why so much, but it started when I found Jasmine's birth certificate while looking for Jeff and Gabrielle's. We have to have them to go to Jamaica. I pulled the two folded-up pieces of paper out of the filing cabinet and the first one fell … Continue reading Oceans
Death & Grief
Hole Not Whole
Wide open hole Gaping, bloody Not whole Try to push it closed Seal it, erase it Pull the edges close A body torn asunder A member missing The ache of phantom pain Wide open whole Healing, itching Hole
Forays into the After World
How can I begin to write of what it's like to live without Jasmine? Today Gabrielle went back to school. She came home and told us it was "okay," but then tonight, after bedtime, she cried and told me how much she missed her, how it was so hard to walk home from school without … Continue reading Forays into the After World
Jasmine’s Memory
Today is Jasmine's memorial service at the UU church. I know it will be beautiful. I am so touched by how many people have come to be here from all corners of the United States. A friend of mine wrote a song for her that is so amazing -- it captures her perfectly. I don't … Continue reading Jasmine’s Memory
Embrace the Change
We came home yesterday after receiving Jasmine from the funeral home. Jeff had made a seat for her in the front seat of the truck, with all her stuffed animals and her quilt from the hospital. She would have been so smug about riding in the front seat. We drove home, and when we got … Continue reading Embrace the Change
Jasmine’s Memorial Service
Jasmine's memorial service will be on Saturday, February 21 at 2:00 PM. We will be holding it at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Bloomington/Normal -- the address follows: 1613 E. Emerson Bloomington, IL We ask that in lieu of flowers, donations be made to or time volunteered with one of the following organizations: CF Foundation … Continue reading Jasmine’s Memorial Service
We love you, Jasmine.
Jasmine passed away Saturday, February 14 at about 7:00 PM CST. She fought hard, but her body was just too tired and it was time to let her get her wings. She had been on the ventilator since Tuesday and the doctors tried several different treatments trying to save her. In the end, her lungs … Continue reading We love you, Jasmine.
Burning Bright
I didn't realize until this evening that it was Friday the 13th, which should be a sign of just how out of it I really am. Today I discussed arrangements for Jasmine's body when she dies. I talked about how I wanted her to die and whether or not I wanted them to wake her … Continue reading Burning Bright
Dark
The ventilator is pretty much maxed. It can't do any more to help her breathe. If she gets any worse, we will have to let her go. She had a fever today and started some new rejection meds that could also help some of the lung damage. Dr. Sweet was very somber tonight. I don't … Continue reading Dark
Change, when it comes, cracks everything open
Yesterday afternoon my mom got here, thank the gods. We had a conference with the doctors about Jasmine's biopsy results. It's not good. The best case scenario is that she has an extremely slow recovery -- at least another month on the ventilator -- and changes some meds and when everything is said and done, … Continue reading Change, when it comes, cracks everything open
by the sea, by the sea, by the beautiful sea 