Riding the Cyclone

We did it — we got stuff done today! Something, not a lot, but better than nothing. We went out this afternoon and tried to buy advance Scooby Doo tickets, but we can’t get them till tomorrow. We picked up some parts for the washer (Rowan, you may not want these old things, trust me), visited a scrapbooking store I found last night while on my way to Cedar’s and then I made an appointment to get my hair cut tomorrow afternoon.

Then tonight, I paid some bills and made three more thank you cards. I have six cards ready to be signed and addressed and aim to get that done either tonight or in the morning. I also cleaned both cat boxes and took out all the trash, thank you very much.

Gabrielle’s desk came today — the last piece for her new bedroom set. The room looks very different now. I have to admit I feel sad when I go in there. The new look helps, but it also accentuates the fact that there is now only one little girl going to sleep in there at night. One of the bills I paid tonight was Jasmine’s subscription to New Moon magazine. Jasmine loved that magazine and it was one that I felt really good subscribing to. I will pass the torch to Gabrielle, but in doing so, I had to cross Jasmine’s name off the subscription form and add Gabrielle’s. For some reason, that act was so painful that I had put off paying the renewal. I did it tonight, though.

I’ve been thinking of Jasmine a lot the past few days. Last year at this time we had no idea that we were one day away from that phone call that brought Jasmine’s new lungs. The 27th will be the anniversary of her transplant. I’m not sure how I’ll react on that day. I feel so very sad that Jasmine didn’t live to see that anniversary. We had talked about doing something special to celebrate her rebirth. I don’t regret her transplant most of the time. She was in end stage lung disease anyway and might have died by now from complications of that. And if she had, she wouldn’t have had those wonderful months of running and laughing. But sometimes doubt creeps in, and I think, “but maybe she would still be with us, albeit on oxygen. Or maybe just hanging on in that shape she was in.” But that voice is pretty weak.

So how will her anniversary make me feel? I’m not even up to a prediction right now. I’m just riding this roller coaster and I’ll see what’s around that curve when I get there.

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