Okay, one more permutation and then I’ll stop for the day. I have to say that while I’m gaining insight into the issue, I’m not really gaining insight into the outcome.

The Whole Person Summary Spread is for self-understanding. I take the cards from my spread and divide them into suits and major arcana. Again, there is a nifty template to use to help interpret this reading.

Wands represent the spiritual, creative and perceptive forces at work within you. Yourself as visionary and initiator; your need for growth and activity.

How many Wands do you have?

I have three — the 2, 3 and 5 cards.

What spiritual and creative forces are at work within you? What are you perceiving, envisioning or initiating?

To me, these cards are about my ability to vision, to expand that vision and to guide it through conflict. If there’s any initiating going on, I guess it has to do with Jeff, though it could also be an initiation into a new way of living. Am I missing something?

Cups represent your emotional nature. Your ability to love, relate, dream, imagine.

How many Cups do you have?

I have two — the 7 and 9.

What is your ability to love, relate, dream, imagine? What are you feeling?

I have to be careful because I want to believe that everything I dream — or a loved one dreams — is possible, when the reality is, there is only so much time available. I want my cups full — to be happy and fulfilled, wherever we live. I am concerned about how realistic I am being — or how realistic those around me are being.

Swords represent your mental/rational thoughts, your ability to discriminate. Sometimes, your areas of struggle or conflict.

How many Swords do you have?

Only one, but it’s a doozy — the 8 card.

What is dominating your thoughts? Where are you struggling or finding conflict? How are you communicating with others?

This is tough. I feel bound by the struggle Jeff is going through with his job. I also feel like I can’t see the right choice, though there are indicators all around what it is. One of my closest friends, who reads this journal — well, hell, you’re all my closest friends — has told me that she thinks staying is the best decision, that it’s obvious. Part of me accepts that, but part of me feels like I still haven’t considered something that should be important. It doesn’t help that the Arizona reading seemed to clearly indicate that a move to Arizona would be good, while a move here involves some struggle. So I’m struggling with the decision. I want to make the right choice. I also want to make everyone happy, and it is crystal clear that I can’t do that with this choice.

Pentacles represent your physical concerns, how you ground yourself, how stable and secure you are. Your ability to devote your energies to work and study are shown here.

How many pentacles do you have?

One — the Ace.

What are your physical concerns? How are you grounding yourself? How stable and secure are you? How are you using your energies for work and study?

If the Ace were representing a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being least and 10 being most, it is appropriate that I have the Ace here. It’s not that we’re unstable or insecure, it’s just that I am very worried about where we go from here. Jeff’s inheritance last year cleared the slate for us — the only outstanding debts we have are the mortgage and our student loans, both of which we kept for tax purposes. Still, we have, for all intents and purposes, been living off that inheritance for the past year and we have lived well. We are not in the poor house, but we cannot live much longer on the inheritance. It is time for Jeff to step up. I am worried about it and can’t hide from that truth. My grounding comes from working out these days, and from my interactions with my coven and my children.

Major Arcana cards represent archetypal forces at work in the situation. Qualities withing you that are being called forth and tested. Aspects of yourself involved in the situation.

How many Major Arcana cards do you have?

Three — the Magician, Death and Justice.

What archetypal forces are at work in the situation? What qualities within you are being called forth and tested? What aspects of yourself do you need to learn about and develop?

Evidently, I need to develop the ability to cut through the shit, to do it fairly and with skill. I am hoping the Death card in this scenario is also about the death of old ways of doing things.

Even after these permutations, I still, as I said at the beginning of this entry, don’t have a clear sense of the right decision. Recently I’ve been letting Jeff take the lead — a scary thing — and just going along with his decision to stay. The problem is, I don’t feel like I’m actively making the decision. I feel like I’m letting it be made for me. And while that has its appeal, I’m not wholly comfortable with it.