A good friend asked me the other night how we're doing with grieving. She (rightly) observed that I haven't written about it much here recently. It's a good question. For the first several weeks after Jasmine died, I felt like I was being jerked up and down like some capricious kid's balloon. There were strong … Continue reading Good Grief
Jasmine
reading deprivation
I'm not allowed to read this week. I'm not supposed to read any books, newspapers, extraneous websites and emails -- anything. It's like someone told me to stop breathing. It's part of The Artist's Way and is supposed to, I guess, keep me from anesthetizing myself with other people's words. I can just hear some … Continue reading reading deprivation
Mother’s Day 2004
Mother's Day was very bittersweet, to use Marcy's phrase. I kept thinking back to last year, anticipating Nina's arrival, living in the apartment in St. Louis. I was extremely uncomfortable with Nina and spent a lot of time in bed, playing Neverwinter Nights on the laptop. After listening to me complain about my legs getting … Continue reading Mother’s Day 2004
The What Ifs
Damn, I am remarkably NOT sore today. I mean, I have a few little twinges, but nothing like what I thought I'd have, and definitely nothing like Wednesday. Oddly, even though I felt noodly after yesterday's workout, I started feeling a lot better about three hours later. Coincidence? I don't know. But I am dying … Continue reading The What Ifs
The Reward for Attention
In "The Artist's Way," Julia Cameron says, "The quality of life is in proportion, always, to the capacity for delight. The capacity for delight is the gift of paying attention." She goes on to note, "The reward for attention is always healing." This is Nina's gift -- she gives me so much to pay attention … Continue reading The Reward for Attention
Release
Tonight we had our ritual of release. I'm just now letting it settle over me, so I can reflect on how it worked. I have a bit of a headache, so that's making it cloudy, but I do feel very cleansed. We built a great ritual together and I was very moved by the outcome. … Continue reading Release
Why Is Everything So Complicated Now?
First, dad is home and really out of the woods. He is feeling a bit weak, but okay other than that. Results from the biopsy should be available soon. Thanks again for the prayers and well wishes! Second, I want to think out loud some more about moving. But I also want to apologize to … Continue reading Why Is Everything So Complicated Now?
All of My Love
Yours is the cloth, mine is the hand that sews time His is the force that lies within Ours is the fire and all warmth we can find He is a feather in the wind Oh, all of my love, all of my love Oh, all of my love for you, now All of my … Continue reading All of My Love
Get-It-Done
I have been seized by a fit of get-it-done. I am so behind in correspondence, in thank-you cards, in getting the taxes filed, cleaning the house, researching the car, the list goes on. The house isn't that bad, actually, but the rest of it is woefully late. And we're preparing to donate a lot of … Continue reading Get-It-Done
Warning Sign
The other day while cleaning I came across one of Jasmine's journals. I've found several and like me at her age, Jasmine was fond of writing one or two entries in one journal and then getting another one. For me, I felt vaguely guilty about not keeping up with the daily writing I wanted to … Continue reading Warning Sign
by the sea, by the sea, by the beautiful sea 