We spent the afternoon getting Gabrielle's room ready for new furniture. I haven't spent too much time in there because it still looks like Jasmine will stroll in at any minute and complain about Gabrielle wearing her clothes. And she would complain, because that seems to be Gab's favorite thing these days -- Jasmine's clothes. … Continue reading Rated R for Language
Writing
Anger
There is a place that I am afraid to go and that place is anger. I am angry that I wasn't able to be with Jasmine the day they intubated her. I don't know what difference it would have made because I felt at the time she was still going to be okay, but it … Continue reading Anger
Everywhere
Jasmine is everywhere. There are photos in every room of this house. Drawings, notes, art projects. Her room is as she left it, more or less. I think this is why it's so hard to really feel that she's gone. It seems like she's going to wander into the living room any minute, chewing on … Continue reading Everywhere
3 of Swords
So many of you have encouraged me not to censor myself here and I really appreciate that. I cannot think of a time in my life when I have felt so ripped open and raw. I guess that's logical and when I write it, I have a moment of "duh-ness" but it still surprises me … Continue reading 3 of Swords
Oceans
Last night, an ocean of tears. I'm not sure exactly why so much, but it started when I found Jasmine's birth certificate while looking for Jeff and Gabrielle's. We have to have them to go to Jamaica. I pulled the two folded-up pieces of paper out of the filing cabinet and the first one fell … Continue reading Oceans
Acts of Reverence and Mirth
Jasmine's wake was a beautiful celebration of her life and I just want to share moments of it that stand out in my mind, in no particular order: Drumming with about thirty people, children with shakers, drumming a heart of community that sustains us. Faces from my childhood, family and friend, faces from college, faces … Continue reading Acts of Reverence and Mirth
Forays into the After World
How can I begin to write of what it's like to live without Jasmine? Today Gabrielle went back to school. She came home and told us it was "okay," but then tonight, after bedtime, she cried and told me how much she missed her, how it was so hard to walk home from school without … Continue reading Forays into the After World
Jasmine’s Memory
Today is Jasmine's memorial service at the UU church. I know it will be beautiful. I am so touched by how many people have come to be here from all corners of the United States. A friend of mine wrote a song for her that is so amazing -- it captures her perfectly. I don't … Continue reading Jasmine’s Memory
Embrace the Change
We came home yesterday after receiving Jasmine from the funeral home. Jeff had made a seat for her in the front seat of the truck, with all her stuffed animals and her quilt from the hospital. She would have been so smug about riding in the front seat. We drove home, and when we got … Continue reading Embrace the Change
Jasmine’s Memorial Service
Jasmine's memorial service will be on Saturday, February 21 at 2:00 PM. We will be holding it at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Bloomington/Normal -- the address follows: 1613 E. Emerson Bloomington, IL We ask that in lieu of flowers, donations be made to or time volunteered with one of the following organizations: CF Foundation … Continue reading Jasmine’s Memorial Service
by the sea, by the sea, by the beautiful sea 