Being sleep-deprived makes me strangely motivated to do housework. Is it a sign of madness? Perhaps. Even probably. While my floors and dishes may appreciate the fact that I haven’t had a solid six hours of sleep for the past week or so, I think I’m beginning to hallucinate. Jeff is barking at dust molecules.

Nina is deeply committed to driving Jeff and I insane via a maniacal sleep deprivation experiment. And if she should fail, Jasmine and Gabrielle will ensure it happens anyway with their constant bickering over insipid nothingness. Does it really matter to Jasmine if Gabrielle wears a short sleeved shirt when it’s 18 degrees outside? Why does Gabrielle care if Jasmine gets to give Nina a cracker? Is the President aware of these pressing National issues? I’m sure he would recommend they be armed and sent to war against each other. Diplomatic gestures will obviously not resolve these deep-rooted ideological differences. As a graduate of the Rosanne School of Parenting, I believe this is where I need to arm the girls with boxing gloves and encourage them to fight to the death.

My parents used to have a bumpersticker that said “Insanity is Hereditary — You Get it From Your Kids.” Indeed. To my childless friends who are considering the addition of children, I say, BEWARE!