Yes, I AM Going to Write – Sorry Loser Voice, You Don’t Win Today

This morning I’m feeling full of vent-y things, which I shall try not to let color this post. At least not too much. I’m out of sorts generally, and I’m thinking that the soreness in my breasts plus the date equals some PMS. Also, insomnia raised its ugly little head again last night, defying my dose of trazodone at bedtime. I woke up at 2:30 and pretty stayed awake… except for the half hour before the alarm went off. I probably should have gotten up, but even if I had, the end result would still be the same – tired and cranky.

Anyhoo, I had a nice weekend with some friends from out-of-town, taking advantage of our key to the Holiday Harbour water park on the river. I don’t do that nearly enough, mainly because the brightness of the sun is really overwhelming for me. We started in the afternoon, though, and stayed till after dark. The river at night is much quieter, much darker (obviously) and much more Monica friendly. Conveniently enough, the crazy sun worshippers go away when the sun does, leaving we moon-seekers to peaceful contemplation on the water. And the moon, being almost full, did not disappoint.

The temptation to spend all my time daydreaming about Seattle is great. Whenever I have a minute, my mind goes straight to thinking about what my apartment might be like, how the grad program will be, the trees and the ocean and the mountains… being able to be outside more often (because we all know I’m not made of sugar so the rain won’t melt me). But I have to stay focused on the steps I need to get me there – taking the undergrad classes at Rio Salado, taking care of the finances, setting things up at work so that what I’ve created can be carried on… but that’s work and I’d much rather be dreaming. Heh.

I can’t remember if I said anything last week about the ouch of being dropped by a very longtime and dear friend of mine. The details are kind of weird, but the upshot is that his girlfriend can’t handle the fact that we’re friends. She sent me a some really nasty messages on FB, so I let him know this was pretty much my breaking point with her (she’d done something similar about a year ago), and that I’d look forward to hearing from him again if he was ever in a more secure relationship. Unfortunately, I don’t think that’ll happen. And I’m half-pissed, half-sad about it. It’s the kind of sting that I won’t let myself feel for too long because the longer I do, the worse it feels. There’ve been so many changes in my friendships over the last five years. Most of them good, I think, but this one really breaks my heart.

Ah, I believe I hear the sounds of Martha bringing in the chile verde she made this morning. That’s my cue to exit, stage lunch. I’m going to miss the food when I leave this place!

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