This is from a grieving parents email list I’ve joined. I like it.
Resolutions for Bereaved Parents
* I will grieve as much and for as long as I need, determining my own time-table.
* I will grieve the way that suits me best, and I will express my feelings the way I choose.
* I will recognize that tears are natural and healthy, and that I am entitled to cry anytime, anywhere.
* I will say the name of Jasmine when I want to say it. If it bothers other people, it is their problem not mine.
* I will not expect others to understand my feelings, because they have not walked in my shoes.
* I will not blame myself for the death of my daughter. I will accept that I did the best I could to be a good parent, based on what I knew at the time. (When I fall prey to feelings of guilt, I will understand that they are normal and will eventually become less intense.)
* I will commune with my daughter daily in whatever way that feels comfortable and natural to me. I will not need to explain or justify this private connection to anyone.
* I will eat, sleep and exercise daily in order to help my body be healthy enough to cope with my grief.
* If I become forgetful, unable to focus, sad, anxious, angry, or afraid, I know that some of these symptoms may be part of the normal grief process. If they become extreme or cause significant disruptions to my life, however, I will seek professional help in dealing with them.
* If at any point, I cry or temporarily ‘forget’ my daughter, I will not berate myself. Such changes do not indicate a lack of love. They simply indicate that I am alive.
* I will remember that the road I am traveling is not straight, and at times it may circle backwards, be stalled by obstacles in the way, or even come to a stopping point. That’s okay, though, because it is my unique journey.
* I will try to find something positive or uplifting to think in my life daily.
* When I can, I will reach out to others gently, knowing that the spirit of my daughter is lifting me up.