I sent this out last year following Jasmine's transplant. Most of you probably read it then. I post it in memory of a great event in Jasmine's life. Jeff asked me today how it is that there could be so many. "I can breathe!" This delivered in an incredulous and breathy little voice... These words … Continue reading One Year Later
Life
Bitch, Piss & Moan
We are stuck in a quagmire of doing-nothingness. It's a combination of being sick, having Nina and having trouble with motivation. I want to hire someone to help us get the house ready to sell, but Jeff is really resistant. It's driving me crazy. I just want the things done, the sooner the better, so … Continue reading Bitch, Piss & Moan
Home Again, Home Again, Jiggety-Jig
We got in to the hotel at 3:30 AM this morning -- the flight was delayed 12 HOURS. Getting home was a nightmare, but other than that, the vacation was wonderful. I will write more about it when I can prop my eyes open without the aid of caffeine.
Happy Birthday, Jeff!
Today is Jeff's 35th birthday. Happy birthday to you, honey. No, you're not 26, and frankly, I'm glad! 😉 If you would like to email Jeff a birthday greeting, his address is javias@verizon.net. Last night he asked what kind of card Jasmine would have gotten him. I think I will go to the store and … Continue reading Happy Birthday, Jeff!
Gab’s Journey
Jasmine and Gabrielle's room is a mess, too full of stuff and furniture that sadly needs to be upgraded. We had started this process before Jasmine died and the girls had been looking forward to new beds, dressers and desks. Now finishing the process is all weird because we don't want Gabrielle to feel like … Continue reading Gab’s Journey
Acts of Reverence and Mirth
Jasmine's wake was a beautiful celebration of her life and I just want to share moments of it that stand out in my mind, in no particular order: Drumming with about thirty people, children with shakers, drumming a heart of community that sustains us. Faces from my childhood, family and friend, faces from college, faces … Continue reading Acts of Reverence and Mirth
Hole Not Whole
Wide open hole Gaping, bloody Not whole Try to push it closed Seal it, erase it Pull the edges close A body torn asunder A member missing The ache of phantom pain Wide open whole Healing, itching Hole
Forays into the After World
How can I begin to write of what it's like to live without Jasmine? Today Gabrielle went back to school. She came home and told us it was "okay," but then tonight, after bedtime, she cried and told me how much she missed her, how it was so hard to walk home from school without … Continue reading Forays into the After World
Embrace the Change
We came home yesterday after receiving Jasmine from the funeral home. Jeff had made a seat for her in the front seat of the truck, with all her stuffed animals and her quilt from the hospital. She would have been so smug about riding in the front seat. We drove home, and when we got … Continue reading Embrace the Change
Burning Bright
I didn't realize until this evening that it was Friday the 13th, which should be a sign of just how out of it I really am. Today I discussed arrangements for Jasmine's body when she dies. I talked about how I wanted her to die and whether or not I wanted them to wake her … Continue reading Burning Bright
by the sea, by the sea, by the beautiful sea 